Wednesday, April 4

Conversations and Questions...Oh My!

One day last week, Emily and I were hanging out in her room. She keeps all the “special” books in her room, which means that all the books that aren’t board books are kept in her room since little miss Mia hasn’t developed the fine talent of turning a page without mutilating it. So, we were in there reading. I noticed the pink and white gingham book laying on her sofa. It’s the first lifebook that I made for her right before she turned two (before I learned how to digiscrap with PSE). We haven’t read it together for a long time, so I picked it up and asked her if she wanted to read it with me. It was tough to get through her adoption story without getting choked up. It’s a straightforward book with photos and simple text. This time through the book, she stopped at the page with the clip art silhouette of a pregnant woman. She asked about the woman in the picture. I did my best to explain that a woman in China carried her in her belly until she was ready to be born, but when she was born she couldn’t take care of her and left her at the orphanage with other babies and nannies. I further explained that the lady was her birth mommy. Then, Emily wanted to know why she wasn’t in my belly. Oh my. I explained that for some reason I couldn’t make a baby with Daddy, so that’s why we decided to adopt a baby girl who needed a family. Silence. She wanted to know the ladies name. It broke my heart to explain that we didn’t know her name. I thought that this was going to be a sticking point for Emily because she always wants to know everyone’s name. More silence. Then, she was on to the page with the airplanes asking why we were in the airplane for a whole day.

Boy oh boy, let me tell you that my heart was pounding! Not only because I was trying my hardest not to cry as I read her story, but because I recognize that this is just the beginning of more in depth conversations. This week’s conversation was simple – and fairly easy. They probably won’t all be this easy. Will I always be able to come up with an answer to their questions? Will they accept my answers? Will they search somewhere else for answers? Will they feel confident and at peace with their place in this world?

Ah…so many questions…theirs and mine.

Now I feel the need to really get moving on Mia’s toddler lifebook as well as a more detailed version for Emily with more information about China, where she was found, and her orphanage. Sigh…there never seems to be enough hours in the day to accomplish all that I have planned in my head!